Growing Positive Relationships


If you were attempting to grow a garden with little prior experience and it failed to thrive, would you just keep repeating the same process the same way over again hoping it would work this time? Or would you get some books, ask some experts, go to classes and generally study horticulture to improve your outcomes?

Relationship is a garden. It will never be perfect or not need constant maintenance and adjustment to conditions. Some few of you have “green thumbs” but most of us have to learn as we go along if we want a beautiful thriving garden.

Intimacy Arts Podcast with James Jesso

Listen Now:

Shivoso joins ATTMind Radio to speak of what it means to create an extraordinary relationship and the most common hurdles we face in achieving such a connection; the influence childhood experiences have on how we relate as adults; the “deeper purpose of relationships”; polyamory & monogamy; and the transcendental power of lovemaking.


I AM ENOUGH! Shame and self critisism

Nice one Jeff!

Shame keeps us all separated and alone even when we are with our closest relationships. It literally separates us from ourself. A voice imposed from the outside, programed into us. It is essential to distinguish between our authentic desire to be the best we can be and the nagging judge. They can even be saying similar things, but the feeling is completely different. The intention is different. Responsible recognition and acknowledgment for mistakes and missteps helps us learn and stay connected. Shame and self loathing only contract us, isolate us and keep us in a room with no doors.


Jeff brown says; “I am so tired of how hard we are on ourselves. Not attractive enough, not smart enough, not cool enough, not purpose-full enough, not spiritual enough, not flexible enough, not creative enough, not rich enough, not happy enough, not healthy enough, not sexy enough, not wise enough. It’s like a collective shame-fest that begins when we are born and continues until we are dead. So much magnificent life is lost when it is swept under a bushel of shame. Billions of us walking around convinced we are not something enough. Methinks we are missing the point. Just staying alive on this planet is a brave act, one that demands that we sift through all of the not enough inner chatter to find reason to go on. How about if we begin every day with an ‘I am enough’ meditation. Lets begin right now, “I am enough!” I AM…ENOUGH!”


Yoga and the Art of Selfishness

Na, Its not about getting stoned before Yoga. Its about the scientific analysis of why yoga is great for our overall mood. Hit the Mat folks!

There are so many good reasons in relationship to put ourselves first. You cannot show up for anyone else if you cannot show up for yourself. It is a disservice to your significant other(s) to habitually deplete yourself or ignore self care. The most loving thing one can do is increase ones capacity to show up by taking impeccable care of ones self. This is the Art of Selfishness.

Check your Unconscious Agreements, Daily!

“There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with other people, with your dream of life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, “This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, that is fantasy; this is possible, that is impossible.” -Dr. Miguel Ruiz

This is what I run up against in much of my work. Not only with clients, but also with myself. The basic unconscious agreements we all run, domesticated into us by our culture and parenting have a huge impact on the path of our lives, our health and happiness. They are not easy to see, being unconscious; the water that we swim in, but the results in our experience are obvious. For most of us we struggle with certain things constantly; money, health, relationships etc. Outward events seem to impact us almost randomly. “…Make the unconscious, conscious or it will direct your life….” There are ways to work with this and the first step is realizing how your unconscious is running you most of the time.

Address your (inner) Parents


“At some point, I imagine it’s when you find your significant other, your partner, that you really begin to address your parents in you [laughs]. You try to change these behaviors that are just mimicked from childhood.”

Ani Di Franco-

Lets state the obvious. Your parents were your first training in how to be in intimate relationship at your most core level. They will be present “for better or for worst” in every scene with your partner. Unfortunately, much of that training is parent to child and though often loving it can also have element of manipulation, coercion, shaming, helplessness and fear (common domestication strategies).

They can be puppeteers working behind the curtain of the unconscious or they can be brought out of the shadows and faced. If you don’t, they will likely run much of your relationship. Just ask you partner and they can often tell when they are talking to your Father or Mother. It has a feel.You are not your parents, you can outgrow  them, Keep what serves and release or change what does not. It takes work, forgiveness and unrelenting consciousness.

If you do that work though, you can break the chains of the past and remake a relationship without shame, coercion, manipulation or fear. An extraordinary relationship. An extraordinary future.