Address your (inner) Parents
“At some point, I imagine it’s when you find your significant other, your partner, that you really begin to address your parents in you [laughs]. You try to change these behaviors that are just mimicked from childhood.”
Ani Di Franco-
Lets state the obvious. Your parents were your first training in how to be in intimate relationship at your most core level. They will be present “for better or for worst” in every scene with your partner. Unfortunately, much of that training is parent to child and though often loving it can also have element of manipulation, coercion, shaming, helplessness and fear (common domestication strategies).
They can be puppeteers working behind the curtain of the unconscious or they can be brought out of the shadows and faced. If you don’t, they will likely run much of your relationship. Just ask you partner and they can often tell when they are talking to your Father or Mother. It has a feel.You are not your parents, you can outgrow them, Keep what serves and release or change what does not. It takes work, forgiveness and unrelenting consciousness.
If you do that work though, you can break the chains of the past and remake a relationship without shame, coercion, manipulation or fear. An extraordinary relationship. An extraordinary future.